Oh, it’s you again.

Picking up my daughter from a party last week, she wasn't in any way pleased to see me. I was expecting some sort of response as if to say, ‘it’s good to see you again’. 

Kids don’t like leaving parties, but just so you can understand me, she wasn't engaged in partying - she was watching Pinocchio on TV by herself. It was as if I wasn't there.

It’s the same when I collect her from school. Wouldn't it be nice if they were actually pleased to see you? Other kids are, aren't they? 

But that’s the craziness of this: it’s probably the case that other kids are the same and my case is no worse than others’. So maybe I'm negatively comparing myself to others. But somehow it feels like it should be better.

Connection is the key I reckon. 

I've read some of ‘How to Really Love Your Child’ by Ross Campbell' (another point for me perhaps, because I may be bad but at least I give a crap)! At the outset he gives 3 principles:

1. Physical contact
2. Eye contact
3. Focused time

Give those a go and tell me if it made a difference.

Next time I will take a look into (3) - focused time.

(4pts)

Am I a Crap Dad?

Welcome to Crap Dads!

What’s the point of this blog? Is it to beat myself up? Yeah, there might be some of that. But I think overall the aim is to be practical, get better and maybe in the end to realise that we’re not so bad after all!

Am I a bad dad? I don’t know. Sometimes it definitely feels like it. I surely can do better. Ask any mother whether they think they’re a good mum. You’ll find that most mums think they’re not, so it’s a common feeling amongst mums. I reckon lots of dads probably feel it too.

There’s the first positive. Actually there are two. First, that feeling means we actually do give a crap. Second, realisation and acknowledgement is the first step to improvement. If I didn’t know I could be better or I thought I was pretty good, then there would be little drive for change. Two bonus points (+2pt) for you dads reading this blog!

Linked to this, I was reading Alfred Adler’s theory of personality yesterday (he was once an associate of Sigmund Freud). He says disguising our shortcomings takes a lot of energy, so let’s come right out and admit it. In fact I’ve taken this approach to life in general recently and it feels a lot better!

My questioning of my parenting skills led to me voluntarily going to a parenting course some years ago. One of the greatest insights I got from it was that bits of my dad’s parenting style are reproduced in me. What about you? Recently I explained this to my daughter. From this came 2 positives. First I’ve been open and honest with her and maybe she can see why I behave the way I do at times.

Secondly I can say that I’m leaps ahead of my father in terms of parenting. For example, he was a fast walker and we never walked side by side. We never spoke about feelings and he didn’t really know much about me. I’m definitely an improvement on that, so one more point for me (+1pt)!

In coming blogs I’ll talk about how it feels to be a dad like me and then what we’re gonna do about it!

If you’re interested in what the parenting course was:

The Parenting Children Course 

It has an associated book that I recommend:

The Parenting Book

My Amazon book:
Murder Your Mortgage in 7 Years


(3pts)